My family and friends who know me, know that I am a bit shy. But today I want to reveal some of what has been happening in my life these past few weeks. I hope that journaling my experience may help someone else and in the process help me cope with it as well.
On Friday October 9th, after a shower, I discovered a lump on my breast. It was large and solid. All weekend long I was very anxious.
On Tuesday October 13th, I went to see my doctor who confirmed it. She ordered a diagnostic mammogram and an ultrasound for Tuesday October 15th. They found another area of suspicion. (In July, I had a screening mammogram with "unremarkable" results) BIRAD code 1 (Negative)
On Thursday October 22, I had a Breast MRI and an Ultrasound guided core biopsy. To try to keep myself busy (and not think of the inevitable) I went to work that morning for one hour, then left for my MRI- That was about an hour of sounds, beeps, and an IV dripping gadolinium to show any "enhancements". I went to work for a few hours (was I crazy?!) and then had the biopsy that afternoon. The radiologist informed me that the MRI revealed a couple more areas of suspicion. During the biopsy, the radiologist kept asking me questions. I answered a few of them and realized she was trying to distract me. I was supposed to stay very still, but since I was a bit chilly (Everyone knows that I am always COLD!) I began to tremble. This procedure is not supposed to be very painful, "you will only feel a little bit of pressure!" Since it was quite uncomfortable, I decided not to converse with my doctor, but instead I prayed to God. I heard the nurse whisper to the doctor, "I think she's meditating". I felt like saying, "Just shut up and finish your job!" I cried all the way home.
Last weekend, was probably the longest one of my life."Keep busy Bruny, keep busy" was my mantra. I decided to clean... I really wanted to knit and relax, but I couldn't concentrate or focus. (Steven, I will finish your socks!)
On Monday October 26th, the results of my mammogram, ultrasound, and MRI had a ACR category 5 "highly suggestive of malignancy" I cried...
At 1:30 pm, on Tuesday October 27th, my doctor called me at work. I sat in my boss' office and heard the news : "The biopsy came back positive" There are no words that can express what I felt at that moment. I got the news I didn't want to hear. I remember saying "NO!" Tears flooded my face and I sobbed uncontrollably. I found out I had Invasive Lobular Carcinoma. This was the day my life changed forever.
These past few days have felt like one long continuos never-ending day. The hardest part was telling my children and my mom. There was no way to "sugar-coat" the diagnosis. It hurts to see your children cry and worry about their mom. Everyone tells me everything will be okay. I do not know that, but I Do know that I WILL be okay because I will be surrounded by their LOVE.
I am in good hands... God's hands!
"For nothing is impossible with God"
Luke 1:37
